Happy Groundhog Day! Since he didn't see his shadow, spring's coming early or will it in Rexburg?
Looking forward to your comments as we get better at empathic listening!
By the way--who was it that said they could help people in class that are still struggling with blogging? Remember that you can go to the computer lab on the 3rd floor of the library to get help. Does someone else know where else students can go with technology questions?
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41 comments:
http://www.psychological-hug.com/
This is actually a 19 page-long article on empathic listening. It is really interesting, and in a tone that does not sound like a psychology book.
The article pretty much talks about the pros of empathic listening. He also included examples--which is helpful (such as being empathic about his wife's grocery shopping adventures, etc).
He also gave the risks of empathic listening (the person feeling awkward towards you after telling you EVERYTHING, we lose our train of thought because we're busy paying attention to the other person, etc). Within the article, he compared sympathy and empathy. This part was really interesting. Sympathy invokes scenes of "Aw I feel sorry for you...". With empathy, we just shut our mouths and listen.
The author closes it by stating that empathic listening is like a big "psychological hug".
Overall, this was a very good article. It is a very good read.
This article that i will past below talks about a lot fo great ways we can learn to listen effectively. i like in the beg. it states "We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking." I personally think that is so true. it's much harder to listen and not want to jump right in and state our own oppinions about the situation. I think you should go and just look at the website because it has a lot of tips to becoming a better listener.http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm
Today, I googled "empathic listening" and came across this website:
http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article40.htm
I thought it was pretty interesting because it finally clicked in my head what exactly empathic listening is. The author of the website compared empathic listening to flood gates coming down and water pouring out all over the place with no direction. He said that a person who is having a conflict or is suffering emotionally has had water build up so much behind the gates that once the person gets the gates to unlock (metaphorically) that it is in an undirectional flow. The role of the listener in turn is to unlock those flood gates and just listen to the person vent, let the water flow. The thing that I wasn't understanding until I read this article was that you don't need to really say anything or give the person advice - like I have always done in the past. The goal of the listener is to let the other person vent, because a person with that much emotional build up will not be willing or able to listen to any form of advice until their perspective has already gushed out. It is after that point that the person will feel better and by listening you will both have a huge deposit in your EBA - therefore building trust and lowering emotion to the point where things are back to normal. I was struggling so much with empathic listening before because of APIE. I thought, well, if you're not supposed to advise, probe, interpret or evaluate then what the heck are you supposed to do?? But empathic listening takes patience. You have to be compassionate and willing to let that person get their emotions out on the table and until you've reached that point you can't do anything else.
Anyway, it was a good article and wasn't long at all but summed up empathic listening perfectly for me!
This is the website that I found when I googled empathic listening. It has a lot of links and different places to go to learn all about empathic listening. It suggests that "Until it becomes a habit, consciously choose to use empathic listening when …
You feel you and your partner equals in human worth and dignity (have an =/= attitude), and…
You're genuinely (vs. dutifully, "sort of," or anxiously) interested in them, and …
You're not too distracted to focus on them now; and specially when …
Your partner's E(motion)-level is "above their ears" - i.e. when s/he's excited or upset about something and can't really hear you for the moment. Noticing nonjudgmentally if your partner's (or your) E-level is 'above or below their ears' is one focus of communication awareness."
Anyways...It is actually pretty interesting. Enjoy!
http://sfhelp.org/02/listen.htm
http://www.psncc.org/empathic_listening.html
This article has a ton of good examples of empathic listening, and helps me to better understand the concept. There are approaches and responses to empathic listening. It makes a lot more sense to me when I read these different made up role plays. I am a visual learner and a solid example really helps. So if you are like me and need some examples, then this site is for you.
I've been asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting in a few weeks on the preparation for entering the temple for eternal marriage, and I came across an article by Susan Spencer Zmolek. I don't know who she is but it was in the March 1976 Ensign. It's called, "The Strangers within Our Gates." The address I tried to post didn’t work; but it’s so simple, just go to lds.org
http://www.psychological-hug.com/
So, here is my site. It was kind of interesting to see the thousands of websites and pages on empathic listening. I had actually never even heart of empathic listening until this class. I liked how in my article it talked about sypmathy and empathy and the difference betweed the two. It was just like we had talked about in class. I guess we have a lot of great minds in our class. Oh and since i just remembered. Wow, the ladies in our class looked amazing Friday. Guys, we sure did pick the right class to be in this semester. Anyway, Yeah. Well I'm not really in the mood to write much to day so I'm going to call it quits already. Have a great week class and I'll see you all at 2. Lata
Last Wednesday, we learned that empathic listening is like an iceberg. The effectiveness of empathic listening is mostly underneath in a person’s attitude. I’ve heard and read a lot about acquiring an attitude of empathic listening, but this class is the first time I’ve learned the tip of the iceberg, the skill of empathic listening. At first, I was somewhat skeptical about learning how to “wield” communication. However, I’m starting to understand that if you have the proper amount of genuine compassion, your skill is simply there to help you better care for the other person.
The article I found explained empathic listening in a very basic way. The author said that an empathic listener should have this thought process behind their communication: “I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to help you solve this problem.” It doesn’t say agree with them, or let them know you’ve gone through what they’re going through. It just says understand, and be a resource for them. That’s truly listening without an agenda.
http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/
http://www.decatursports.com/articles/empathiclistening.htm
My article focused mainly on the effects of empathic listening on coaching sports. Read my article for more info!
http://www.psncc.org/holley.htm
The article I found essentially sums up what we've learned on empathic listening. It talks about using qualifiers, and how the goal of empathic listening is to connect with another person emotionally; it's not effective if you have another agenda. One thing about the article that was a little contradictory from what we've learned in class is how the article addresses asking questions. If I understand correctly, during empathic listening, the goal is to stray away from asking questions because that's probing (an auto-biographical response), however, in the articles it lists several questions as examples of what an empathic listener might say. For instance, the article gives this as an example: "May I tell you what I've understood so far?" I was wondering if this counts or not... All in all, the article is a good read.
When I googled "Empathic Listening" I was directed to this website.
http://www.psncc.org/empathic_listening.html
I really like this particular sight because it gave great examples and mapped everything out.
Empathic listening is about having an emotional connection with the other person. It's about them, it's about the moment.
This article really went into HOW you listen empathically.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
I love the examples that were given! It really helped me understand empathic listening.
http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/
I am the kind of person that loves lists. I like things to be outlined in a 1,2,3 or a,b,c form. This article gives lots of examples of steps and lists we can follow to become a more empathic listener!! It is great! Check it out!
http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=540
I loved the article that I found on empathic listening because it really mirrors the gospel and what the world thinks of those who live it. When we listen empathically we are warm and heartfelt, putting ourselves aside. Today, the world rewards us when we are opinionated, independent, and focused on number one, and just as they find weakness in those who selflessly listen, they find weakness in those who humbly serve and turn their lives over to an unseen being.
I thoroughly enjoyed class last time, one thing that really stuck with me was when bro. Adams said that we all have EBA’s Within ourselves, when you keep commitments to yourself you build trust and a positive balance within your own life. In the article I found, it listed benefits of empathic listening and I though they were interesting, 1.builds trust and respect, 2.enables the disputants to release their emotions, 3. reduces tensions, 4.encourages the surfacing of information, and 5. creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving. I think that when we understand the benefits of empathic listening we will have a desire to really learn what we need to learn in order to empathically listen to others. The web site for the article I read is: http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/
Any Soccer fans out there? Actually, this article is great for all sports and people who have any sort of leadership role; which is all of us.
Check it out:
http://www.decatursports.com/articles/empathiclistening.htm
In this article on empathic listening, Jason Vittrup nails the basic principles we've been learning and gives a sample dialogue. He explains the four skill levels of listening - mirroring (least effective), rephrasing, reflecting- which repeats back, but understands the emotion, and the last one is a combination of rephrasing and reflecting.
The greatest thing that I learned here is that when people feel that they're being listened to, they'll move from emotion to logic, where you can then advise. Whenever they start to get emotional again, move back to empathic listening, until they feel trusted or 'safe' and slowly move back to logical.
Communication is so uncomfortable for me right now, because I'm so aware of my ingrained imperfections. I'm sure we'll all get there though. :)
well i really aint sure if im supposed to blog on this one about today and our test. wow i blew it. ok not really but ya i sorta did. not gonna lie. but the good thing is this class rocks so i didnt get to mad about it.
Does anyone else stink at E.L. as much as I do?
Me again...So my article is sumarized on my page under January 29. I think that its pretty good what I wrote. So does my mom. She's a sweet gal...
It was nice to review everything that we'd learned so far in Comm 150 before the test. There are quite a few things I'd forgotten (such as the two characteristics or empathic listening). It was also helpful, because now that we've learned more, things at the beginning of class make more sense.
I have been trying to find times to try empathic listening, but every time I want to try it I don't because I know that it will be super obvious and sound weird. So I'm having a difficult time putting it in to practice. I hope we expound on the five emotional cancers we learned on Monday.
Ok, I'm just going to post once for the last two days because I've been a little bit distracted and I'm a big slacker anyways. ;)
So for the article, I found a website that is AMAZING and helped me understand empathic listening like 500% better.
http://sfhelp.org/02/listen.htm
That's the site and I hope that those of you who are still struggling with the concepts will go to it. Its an easy read and will make a big difference, trust me!
I am totally willing to help out anyone who is still figuring out the whole blogging deal. Just ask me after class and we'll work out a time.
And the basics of my free day post:
I have a coolio music player on my page, tell me what you think.
That's all.
Looking Back on the Semester
Wow, that test we took on Wednesday was awesome!! I wish every test was like that! But, if there is no pain there is no gain right. Actually I don’t know what I am talking about right now so I’m just going to stop that thought and go somewhere else.
So far in this semester I feel like I have learned so much! I love it because I can apply what I am learning into my everyday life! It can work with friends, family, and even strangers. What I am learning in this class will influence me for my life time. It is the class with the least homework for me and I feel like I am learning the most!
I absolutely loved the discussion we had in class today!! I like it everyday but today was different and I loved it! When Michelle brought up the example of her sister being in a wheel chair and explained how she felt I found myself thinking back to last summer. Last summer I had the opportunity to serve in the orphanages in Ecuador! It was the most wonderful experience! While I was there I worked in the Special Kids orphanage. It was so hard for me at first But, when I finally forgot about myself and how inadequate I felt in the situation I grew to love these 8 special kids with all my heart. I believe it is so important to embrace eachother's differences and learn from eachother. The most important form of communication I learned from my special kids with to speak with the heart.
So on Wednesday we learned about column A--[verbalized], column B--[not stated], and column C--[what you hear; the other person's column A]. Also, I loved it when Brother Adams said, "If there are two people on the same team who both think and act alike, one of you is unneccessary." I just thought that that was really interesting. Also, we had a great discussion today. We did the role play again and talked about accepting differences and not acting weird about them. Anyways, it was a really great discussion.
In the article I read, it referred to empathic listening as reflective listening. It starts out by explaining why it is so important to use and gain as a skill. It is also helpful for someone who is a third party in a conversation. Not only does it help them get both sides of an argument, but it also helps them stay in a neutral zone. When we use empathic listening effectively, we gain trust and understanding. The person can sense when we have our own agenda or we really want to help them. Also, when reflecting and rephrasing, the other person is more likely to open up and express what they are really feeling. It reduces the awkward tension during the conversation, and creates a safe environment.
In order to effectively listen, you have to been willing to let the other person dominate the conversation, and you simply meditate about what they are saying. Use open-ended questions, and not to interpret what you think they are trying to say to you. Be open minded, but be in the conversation. Reflect back what they are saying, and but their emotion into the conversation. Be emotionally in the conversation without stating your own opinion. Your goal while empathically listening is to lift the person up, and help them reach the solution in their head. When you do this well, the person will have a greater confidence and reduced stress. Also, it will help build trust in the relationship, and you will benefit through their information they share with you. Once this skill is mastered, your communication will be more effective and your relationships will become more meaningful.
I think I learned a lot last class. By doing the role play most of the time, it seems like I had somewhat of a firsthand experience watching the principles we've learned put into action. It was a very interesting class period.
I thought the role play was so helpful on Wednesday. I can finally see how it's supposed to work. I'm a big fan of empathic listening now.
http://sfhelp.org/02/listen.htm
I can't get the article to paste onto this entry, but basically what I got from the article is that it's important to be non-judgemental when you are trying to listen empathically because the person that you are talking to is probably being harsh enough on him/herself. It also said something cool about how when you are listening to someone - especially if it's a conflict that's going on - that by empathically listening you aren't agreeing with them or giving in, you're just listening.
I don't really know what I am doing but I have a blog that talks about a personal experiece I had with empathic listening. So if you want to check it out please do. mallorykayla.blogspot.com, (I am so computer illiterate I have no idea if this is even right)
i was gone this class but it looks like we were supposed to look up an article on empathic listening and post the link here. Mine was
http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/listening_skills.htm
It gives conversation and tips in learning to use empathic listening
My new post is all about the martial arts techniques we learned about in class on friday, and how they relate to communications... specifically empathic listening
Read my blogs if you want to see what I wrote about today's class.
Well, I've been a little bit behind. My latest post is actually about body language in relationships. Happy SAD tomorrow everyone.
(singles awareness day, for those who don't know)
I was glad that we did role plays in class the other day. It helped us practice empathic listening, but at the same time it illustrated the quirks that can occur. I'm glad we're practicing it in class so we can learn how to deal with awkward situations before we get stuck in them in the real world.
So, I've been finding that the best lessons in life are not in the classroom and involve Peruvians...
I'm still in the conscious incompetance stage! I currently have a live situation where I use empathic listening, but being so aware of my weakness at it is causing great frustration. Now that we're entering into interpersonal conflict, it's even more close to home because I'm dealing with a difficult roommate, in which I don't want to be the empathic person! I suppose I'll never get anywhere then, huh? Hopefully completing this section will help me be more confident in this skill.
http://www.drbalternatives.com/articles/cc2.html
The article starts out by pointing out that all relationships have conflict. In fact, it asserts, if a relationship has no outward conflicts, it is a sign of serious trouble. This is because feelings are not being expressed, and angry and resentful feelings continue to pile up. In this way, it’s not the nature of the conflict that’s important; rather, it’s the nature of how the conflict is solved that’s important. Bad ways of dealing with conflict include: denying it’s existence, getting angry, blaming, overpowering the other person, and manipulating other people. In order to solve it well, we need to solve the problem as a team. Empathic techniques are good for this.
The article also gives suggestions on how to prevent conflict. In order to do this, we must first see what it is that we do to cause conflicts. Make a mental note of all the unhealthy conflict resolving techniques listed above; next time a conflict arises, try not to use them. Keep a mental journal of your progress. The article promises that if you continue to make progress in these areas, situations of conflict will reduce in you life.
Here are some techniques, as listed in the article, on how to defuse a heated situation. First you could try to agree with what the person is saying—or at least a part of what they’re saying. These concessions on your part show that you’re willing to listen to the other person. Empathic listening is listed. It also advocates the use of “I” statements. Finally, it suggests “gentle probing questions” such as “Are there any other thoughts that you need to share with me?”
It ends by giving a step-by-step way of solving a conflict. Step one is to identify the problem. Step two is to come up with possible solutions. Next, the two of you should evaluate the choices, and then decide on the best course of action. Finally, you follow through on the decision, and then evaluate the results.
http://www.empathy-and-listening-skills.info/
The articles talks about the differences between sympathy and empathy. It highlights certain points are make it easier to understand. It gives different scenarios where you can identify the empathy from sympathy. One thing that stuck with me was the difference in judgement or evaluating. When sympathizing, if you agree with someone on what they say, it means you are having a positive evaluation of it. Empathic listening on the other hand does not see the negative or positive aspect but tries to understand the talker's positive evaluation of whatever he's talking about. Also, empathy involves more active listening because you are trying to summarize what they said and comment on the meaning.
I know not everyone will check this article out because there's a whole lot of them posted but if you ever need to look at the differences in empathy and sympathy, hit up my blog and check out the article.
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