Happy Groundhog Day! Since he didn't see his shadow, spring's coming early or will it in Rexburg?
Looking forward to your comments as we get better at empathic listening!
By the way--who was it that said they could help people in class that are still struggling with blogging? Remember that you can go to the computer lab on the 3rd floor of the library to get help. Does someone else know where else students can go with technology questions?
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I learned that:
-The 5 emotional cancers are complaining, comparing, competing, criticizing, and contending.
-Methods of parenting are underlying paradigms that may have unintended consequences.
-Elements of empathic listening are parroting, rephrasing content, guessing emotion, rephrasing and reflecting emotion, all 4, and when appropriate, includes APIE as its uppermost pier (the first two are actually elements of active listening that serves as a precursor for levels of empathic listening).
Relevance:
I enjoyed the discussion of parenting styles today as I recalled the ways my own parents disciplined me. I can only remember getting spanked once (when I ran away). My parents usually instated loss of privileges (ie dessert, electronics, etc.) and would tell me why I was being punished. The comment about the "magic number of 5" also struck me because I worked two years at an elementary school and used this very method. I would count to five and right before I would get there, the child would stop the bad behavior. It consistantly worked with few exceptions. However, I struggled to answer when one rebel boy asked what would happen if I did reach five and he had not complied. He even tested it out, so I remembered to install a back-up plan for this technique in the future.
I also would put kids on wall (yes, using the "count to 5" method if they were being relectantly slow at getting to the wall) and would come back a few minutes later, asking them to tell me what they did before they got released from the wall. I also asked them what they would do in the future, and most times they promised they wouldn't repeat the crime.
When talking today, I surveyed the effectiveness of this punishment. Perhaps recognizing what they did was but a means of escape, and it might effect their lives later on.
Application: Considering the various tactics we spoke of, I am going to reevaluate my disciplinary measures, as during the summer I will continue working extensively with children. I am going to weigh what some of my peers said their responses were to their parents' discipline, and examine what I can do to be a more effective authority figure.
Teaching: My sister is currently working at the elementary school that I once did. She has had some discipline issues of her own with disrespectful children. I will share what I know with her!
Principles learned in the Class
* Review
o We can take precaution to prevent people from withdrawing before they do so by making emotional deposits regularly.
* The Seven Habits of Good Communicator
o Parroting contents = Active listening
o Rephrasing content = Active listening
o Guessing emotion
o Reflecting emotion
o Content emotions
o APIE
+ Evaluate our communication style [APIE]
# A=advice
# P=proving (question)
# I=interpreting
# E=evaluate
* Fear vs Love (5 emotional cancers): complaining, comparing, competing, contending,criticizing
o Situation: we talk about a controversial issue about whether spanking children by parents is necessary.
+ a large part of the class's opinion was that our choice should be made depending on situations. We can teach children cognitively. It is also important to explain children why they are punished. We learned the counsel of president Benson that we should not use force to discipline children but by persuasion and love.
+ every response has consequences
# unexpected consequences
# natural consequences
As I came to deepen my understanding of what conversation consists of, one of the most important elements of conversation is an unseen expression behind vocal expression. By catching an unseen expression, we can learn what they feel and want us to know.
However, there can be bias in the process of catching the expression. We tend to see other's feelings with our points of view that often contradict with what it really is.
Personal Application :
Since I learned the importance of those feelings (even described as 5 emotion cancers) to be recognize in communication, I want to observe dominant feeling of myself and others to abstain from using my personal agenda as well as my distorted points of view toward others and to stand close foundation of mutual understanding as much as possible in communication. Think about the consequences of those emotions more carefully and seriously in order to learn constantly how to improve the way of approach to people's hearts in communication.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Blog for 2/2/07
Capture
1) Review for test (consists of)- 5 levels of listening, 4 autobiographical responses, EBA, primary emotions, elements of empathic listening, trust and emotion, 5 emotional cancers, and names.
2) The 5 levels of listening are: 1)ignore, 2) pretend, 3) selective, 4) action, and 5) empathic.
3) The five emotional cancers are: 1) complaining, 2) comparing, 3) competing, 4) criticising, and 5) contending.
4) Elements of empathic listening.
5) The 2 primary emotions are: 1) love, and 2) fear.
Relevance of elements of empathic listening.
Today a list of the elements of empathic listening were reinforced. There are six steps in empathic listening which are: 1) parroting (content), 2) rephrasing content, 3) guessing emotion, 4) rephrasing content and reflect emotion, 5) All 4 (content and emotion), and 6) Using autobiography if requested. Following these steps will allow one to listen better then ever!!!!
Apply
I am continuing to apply these principles into my life. I am going to try to remind myself more to use empathic listening. Any suggestions on how I can do this?
Teach
My grandparents- I will teach them tonight when I have dinner at their house.
princples learned:
1. teach children why they are being punished instead of just punishing them/spanking them
2. don't let the children by the parents (obviously)
apply these principles:
when i am angry w/ someone let him/her know why isntead of keeping it "confidential"
teach: to james and josh
report:
josh (my brother-in-law) says that once his kids know the meaning of sasa (samoan word for 'spank') then there will be no trouble. however, both agree that teaching children why they are being punished instead of just punishing is a good idea. i won't have children for a few years, but i hope that when i do i can parent effectively.
Blog for 2/5/07
Capture
For Monday's Class
Today in class we discussed principles such as: courage, consideration, compassion, and ruthlessness. Christ had high consideration and high compassion towards others. These principles play a key role in communication. It takes a lot of courage to talk with others in differing circumstances. In order to emphatically listen to someone, consideration and compassion should be shown. I have been sharing principles of emphatic listening with others lately. The majority of my teaching has been to my family. Things have been going well.
Today we were also tested on material such as: names of students, 5 levels of listening, autobiographical responses, emotional bank account, and the primary emotions.
Today, as the class host I shared the scripture Isaiah 6:1-3. This decribed how Isaiah was told to mend the brokenhearted and mourn with those that mourn. This reminded me of the last couple days of talking with someone I knew from high school who is now fighting cancer. Then a day later one of my best frinds' dad died unexpectectedly. I realized that good communication is a big part in being able to comfort those who stand in need of comfortand and a great tool for helping others. At this point I really only saw communications as something to just help myself. Now I'm more interested in how to use it to help others. In class we discussed the relationship between trust and the Colomb B. We learned that the lower the trust, the more Columb B starts exploding through our minds and probably theirs also. We also went through a scenario in which Tyson was his mother-in-law and Brother Adams is Tyson's Wife. We learned a prinipal within a certain martial arts in which the goal is not to hurt an atacker but defend yourself and try to find whats wrong with the attacker and maby help them, respect them. We related this to deflecting energy in a heated conversation and relflecting feeling back to them but not in a hurtfull way.
Key Principles
• We need to have high courage and high consideration for a win/win situation.
• With high courage and low consideration it is a win/lose situation.
• With high consideration and low courage there is a lose/win situation.
Relevance
• High courage and high consideration is the best combination. It will make you and others happy.
Apply
• When we keep these conditions we will be better listeners and communicators.
Teach
• I will teach this to my sister Aleesha.
Report
• Aleesha had never considered that courage and consideration had a relationship. She thought it was funny how high levels of both created a better relationship.
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