Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Insights, application, wisdom and inspiration from peer-to-peer learning in my Business and Communications Classes, Lectures, Seminars and Consulting Practice.
Welcome!
To learn how to effectively post to your blog and comment to this one, click below on the label for blogging and see if your question is not handled. If it still is not, post a question to the most recent blog on blogging, and also try the help within your own google blog. Not sure how? Google the term "google blogger help." You CAN do this!
On this blog, we seek to practice the "Praiseworthy Principle." That means we ask that all posts and comments always come from a positive, encouraging perspective. Feel free to comment and share your ideas and information that meet the above criteria!
Labels
- blogging (3)
- Br Adams (1)
- Brigham Young University (1)
- BYU-I (3)
- Capital (2)
- Case Method (1)
- Case Study (1)
- Change (1)
- Change Management (1)
- Comm 150 Afternoon (1)
- Comm 150 Morning (3)
- Comm 250--Organizational 0701 (2)
- Comm 455 (2)
- Comm--Interpersonal 0701 (5)
- Comm--Interpersonal 0702 (5)
- Comm--Organizational (1)
- Comm--Organizational 0701 (3)
- Consulting--Organizational 0701 (4)
- Effective Listening (5)
- expectations (1)
- Google (2)
- Market (1)
- Operations (1)
- Organization (2)
- Organizational Design (3)
- Organizational Effectiveness (1)
- Peer-to-Peer Learning (1)
- People (2)
- Pride (1)
- Staffing (1)
- Strategy (1)
- Technology (3)
- Time Management (1)
- tips and tricks (1)
Recommended Reading
- Good to Great--by Jim Collins
- Leadership and Self-Deception--by the Arbinger Institute
- Teaching and the Case Method--by Louis B. Barnes, C. Roland Christensen and Abby J. Hansen
- The Eighth Habit--by Stephen R. Covey
- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People--by Stephen R. Covey
- The Tipping Point--by Michael Gladstone
Blog Archive
-
▼
2007
(32)
-
▼
January
(15)
- Comm 455
- Comm 150 Afternoon
- Empathy when Emotions High and Trust Low--Comm 150 AM
- Peer-to-Peer: How Organizations Hear!
- Student Blogging: Expectations, Tips and Tricks
- Empathic Listening & the Emotional Bank Account
- Teen Wolf, Michael J. Fox, and Autobiographical Li...
- The 5 branches that lead to effectiveness in any o...
- When emotions are high and trust is low . . .
- The Praiseworthy Principle
- Columbia's Final Mission
- Effective and Efficient Time Management
- Target Client Accounts--Who we choose to work with
- Autobiographical responses vs. empathic listening
- Listening in tough, emotional situations
-
▼
January
(15)
Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant
We did Change Management using the OCI (Organizational Culture Inventory)
16 comments:
In class on Monday, we finally got a little further in the role play. I thought that the turn the role play took was very interesting. For that past few weeks (that’s how long it’s been since we began), I’ve been thinking that the reason Brad missed the meeting over the weekend was because he was upset with Bob. I’m sure that assumption would have affected the way I’d communicate with him. Then, we learned that when Brad returned to work, it wasn’t his anger and resentment for Bob that was overwhelming him, but his shame at disappointing his mentor, Tom. Learning this changed the way Becky, Ryan, and Chris tried to communicate with him. When we listen and try to understand others, we need to leave judgments aside. When we assume things, we become blind to other things. For example, in class when Becky was recounting everything Brad said, she mentioned (which I’m sure most of us were thinking also) that Brad was afraid he’d lost his chance to become partner. This shut down the communication because it caused Brad wonder what else Becky was assuming. In class, we also observed (with a lot of frustration), that our motives always come out in our communication. The motivation that was hindering our communication this time was curiosity. What’s Brad feeling? Really, our main motivation should be to help Brad, not just finding out his feelings for curiosity’s sake. This week, I plan to teach these principles to my room mates.
Last class made me feel like we were actually getting into the whole empathic listening. It was very confusing but I trust in Bro. Adams and if he says that we will eventually understand and be able to listen empathically then I will suffer through (well, I guess I would have to anyway). I am also a little confused about what level we are on, is it unconcious incompetence or are we at concious incompetence? All I know is that I am incompetent! This is definitely a hard skill to learn but I am excited about the day when I will be sucessful at it.
About empathic listening, "questions are like probes," its a mixture of observing, listening, and responding, do not try to read between the lines, and make sure that there is a good balance between trust and emotion. And this is just the beginning! Who knows what else will be added to the list of "do's" and "don't do's!" I admire those that took a stab at the role plays the other day! You are brave souls!
On Monday we culminated all that we have learned so far and put it to the test in the role play. We learned that Brad’s emotions are high, but his trust with us is low, so we can’t use any listening style other than empathic listening. If we try to listen actively he will shut off and not remove his layers so we can see what’s in the center. The only way to do this is to mirror what he is saying but not just copy it right back. We have to process it, and then rephrase part of the content back to him. This will make it apparent that we are listening and striving to understand; however, we have to mirror his emotions as well. When he’s feeling discouraged or nervous you can’t be smiling. This shows that you’re not only trying to understand what he is saying, but what he is feeling. Often times we meet people that we don’t really know and don’t have a high emotional bank account with us yet. It is in these situations that we must use empathic listening. It doesn’t have to be about something serious or pressing. It could be about any casual thing and when you listen empathically your bank account with that person will grow. You don’t only have to use empathic listening with people you don’t know very well. Sometimes we may have a family member that we don’t have a very high bank account with and in those situations empathic listening would be the smart thing to do. There are people that I know I don’t have a healthy bank account with and I realize now how I can help them and get an accurate interpretation of why our relationship isn’t so healthy. I have heard of reflective listening before, but I have never learned it in such great detail. Now I know that reflective listening shouldn’t include questions, because that is probing. People don’t want to answer your questions; they just want to tell you what they want to talk about. This is something I’ve already been talking to people about as I’ve learned it the past couple of days. It’s a hard concept to accept at first.
Empathic listening. Huh? I think I kind of get what is going on. It’s like when you are trying to figure out a name and it is on the tip of your tongue but you just can’t quite find the word. I don’t know though.
I really enjoyed class on Monday though. I felt like we were really getting somewhere and felt a lot of energy from the class. The role play is going good I think. I’m confused as to why Brother Adams was just having Ryan repeat exactly what he said back. I think that would be annoying to me in a conversation. But, maybe that was an extreme example to make a point to us.
I really liked the example Brother Adams used of the base ball player. It really seems so redundant and dumb to run back to 1st base when you are already on 2nd and then back to 2nd, 3rd, and finally home. It is risky and unneeded. It reminds me of a lot of conversations I have had. Sure, some conversations require that but when you are being an empathic listener it is pointless and taking a risk of losing the flow and tone of the conversation.
Anyway, I think overall it is going really good! I am excited to go to class and hopefully figure out this puzzle!
I don’t know about you all, but I liked class on Monday! But I will say I was a bit confused by the empathic listening role play…maybe I just can communicate so I am not supposed to know what is going on. I don’t know? The onion analogy was awesome, I even knew that bro. Adams was drawing an onion before he told us what it was, I am amazing at pictionary I guess. But I totally used the locked layer onion thing on my FHE brother at family home evening the other day…it was great, he thought I was a psychologist or something. Anyway, people really are like the onion. Once you unlock one layer you just get one step closer to the soft inner core. One question I still have from Monday is…How do you get to the soft inner core without seeming like you are wanting to get to it etc. Empathic listening I guess? But how? I will never now!
Okay, so I’m slowly getting the empathic listening thing. I am not very good at it, but I am getting the basic concept. Working with other classmates with pretend scenarios has helped me to understand the point of it all and helped me to become more understanding of the whole idea. We also had an opportunity to see Brother Adams be the empathic listener to a student in class. He basically repeated what the student was saying to help him know that he was being heard. The idea was that you gain the trust of the other person by listening to them vent. Then you start to ask questions or relate the situation to your own life. Like a similar story or what Bro. Adams likes to call it, an autobiography. An important point that was made was that you shouldn’t give the person your autobiography unless they want to hear it. And you should also check twice before going into an oratory of your life so they won’t tune you out and lose the trust that was gained. I had never thought of it that way. I am big on telling stories. I personally love hearing other people’s stories, but many people aren’t that way. I have a greater realization now of my fault in that sense. I will remember to be a little more careful.
Sorry that I fell asleep today in class. It is my last class of the day and I was beat. Thanks Liz for waking me up!
Today was pretty cool. I like how Bradams is teaching us how to peel them onions. We just don't whack at it and 'probe'. The iceberg analogy is actually in Preach My Gospel (Missionary Manual of the Church). I got to be real familiarized with it real well during the mission and it really works. We do not know the people we talk to. It is hard to trust people because we do not know them. Even in this LDS town, people are people. But we can never assume their feelings and circumstances. Truly the key part of empathic listening is to care about the person and lose our selfishness.
I read a book by Larry King last semester on becoming a great conversationalist. The main key point he focused is to be an empathic listener.
This is going to mondo long because I am combining Monday and today into one behemoth of a blog. I did write one on Monday but just didn’t have time to post it, believe it or not. Monday was yet another episode in the story of the role play that won’t die…I don’t mean that in a derogatory way however. Last Monday’s class I felt like I was starting to get the purpose of this role play. I must admit that although the ideas that are being presented by Bro. Adams are not new to me I still fell into the same trap as most of the people in the class; that of trying to get to the bottom of the problem; that of “pseudo-listening” in order to get to my own agenda of trying to find out why in the world Bob (or Tom, or Ferdinand or whatever the guy’s name was) didn’t show up for the meeting.
I understand now that the purpose of the role play is to not get to the bottom of the problem per se, but rather to just listen and try to understand where the other guy is coming from. The important thing wasn’t trying to get as quickly as I could to the answer I wanted but instead to EMPATHIZE (fitting isn’t it?) with Bob (or Joe, or Sam, or whatever).
I don’t know about the rest of you but this skill to me is very provocative. This is something that I honestly, and pardon my language, suck at. The thing right now that I am trying to learn is to be able to imagine in my mind what the other person is talking about and trying to feel what they are feeling. Getting to the bottom of the problem will come in time but for now this is the most important thing.
Now, my two cents about today (Wednesday). First of all, wasn’t that ball thing sweet? I’ve seen them before but never that big! I just wanted to go outside and throw it around. Sad to say that I fantasized about that for quite a bit of time in class today. I blame the sugar on the doughnuts… I am glad that we are starting to get to the application of empathic listening. I agree with Bro. Adams that we spend quite a bit of time analyzing but not enough time practicing.
The ironic thing about this though is that we are spending so much time on it and it is not something that one would use in a normal day (well, in one of my normal days). It is something that is used in the way that we are learning only once in a while (again, according to my history). One practical daily application that I am learning from it is to try and recreate in my mind what people are talking about as I am talking to them. Normally I just let information breeze in and then right back out again. I am now taking the effort to pay attention to what people are saying so that I can make it a visual memory and remember it longer.
This is difficult for me because I am trying to tear up mental track that has been used for 23 years and replace it with new. It’s tough but I am making progress and know I’ll be able to do it competently soon.
I am confused.
There were some highlights today though. I'm not sure what any Oedipal complications might ensue from a public pantsing (and I certainly don't want to think about such implications), but let me say it is nice to use an iceberg analogy without hearing anything about the id, ego, or superego (or concious/subconcious/unconcious). Instead, the tip of the iceberg (the part that pokes above the surface of the sea so penguins can lounge around on it and unsinkable ships can smash on it thereby spawning ridiculous movies that I refuse to watch) is representative of the skill involved in empathic listening (a skill which still seems beyond my grasp as I am still in the stage of concious incompetence, see the post below the tarantula for more information). The real heft of the iceberg, however, is found beneath the surface, and consists of one's attitude. Because, lets face it, if you're not listening with real intent, it doesn't matter how much skill you've got. You're going to sink, and it isn't going to be pretty. Especially in those highly emotional situations where trust is scarce.
Another thing we touched on today is that when you are in a situation where you're probing, try not to do it autobiographically (especially when that means applying your life to a situation that you don't know anything about yet and end up "punching holes in someone's onion"). And that judgements are bad (whoops, that was a judgement, huh). At least in the context of calling someone crazy or something. Because we all fall at different places on the DSM IV-TR and associated diagnostic/classification/assessment tools at different places at different times at our lives. Also, judgements (unrighteous judgements) are based around pride which is emnity between oneself and another individual and, judging by the cyclical patterns found in the Book of Mormon, often referred to as the "Pride Cycle," we know nothing goes well when pride is involved. Because "I" is right in the middle of prIde, and, frankly, it's not all about you. When we're dealing with other people, it's important to remember that we are all children of God and that they all have their own backgrounds and experiences and gifts and contributions to make to the world. In our dealings with our Brothers and Sisters, we must think not only of what the Savior would do, but how He would do it. As mentioned in class, even Moroni had his moments of frustration, but when Pahoran (who, instead of getting defensive, responded calmly and recognized Moroni's heart was in the right place) replied, Moroni recognized his own mistakes and was humbled. If we have humility and the right attitude, we can become empathic listeners.
Sorry, that was really long.
Today was a lot of fun fist off because Chris brough us donuts. I love donuts. That just made the rest of class go great. It was also fun to hear Evan and Brother Adams talk about the brother "De-pantsing" topic. That was really funny. It also ejoyed how Brother Adams was able to use empathic listening so well in the conversation. I am starting to understand much better on how to be a better listener. The hardest part is when the speaker doesn't say anything. What do you do then? Just repeat something that he has already said again? I'm not sure if when you get to the point where the person starts to ask for advise if that's where you dive in and give your opinion. Empathic listening is an interesting concept for sure and it's fun to try it outside of class with people. I have already had a few funny experiences and most people just wonder why I am agreeing with them and almost repeating what they are saying. They are always like YEAH, I know. Then they're like WHAT ARE You DOING? lol They just want me to say what I'm thinking and give my opinion and not practice empathic listening. O well, I'll keep trying. One person at a time we'll help people be better listeners.
I am kinda confused… There are so many places that say Comm 150 afternoon class that I don’t quite know where to post. Am I supposed to have a post on all of them? Please let me know if anyone knows.
Anyway about class today. Thank-you Chris for bringing donuts!!! That was awesome!
Now onto the stuff we talked about. I really liked Brother Adams’s little analogy of the ice burg. My mom heard this thing I’m about to tell you in a conference she went to and has always told it to my brothers and sister and I. But, if you take all the letters of the word ATTITUDE and match them with a number, for example, a=1 b=2 c=3 etc. Now if you add all the letters and their numbers together you get:
A-1
T-20 x 3
I- 9
U- 21
D- 4
E- 5
ATTITUDE = 100%
I know its kinda nerdy but I have always remembered it. I believe it is so true in every aspect of our lives.
Another point that I was glad that was brought up in class today was what Brooke said about saying things like “You’re crazy.” I think that was just a good reminder for everyone especially me of how everyone has their quirks and no one is normal. It is good to remember that and always be conscious of others feelings. If you remember that your relationships with others will strengthen and they will feel more confident in you. High trust!
Thanks for bringing donuts Chris! That was sure nice of you!
Anyway, in class on Wednesday we continued our roleplay discussion. I am finally starting to understand how empathic listening works. Brother Adams brought up the scripture that's in Mosiah 18, which says that we are supposed to "mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort". We need to be seeking to understand the person and put aside assumptions and prejudices. I thought something interesting that Brother Adams said was that pride is enmity and that if you're not able to listen to someone, there's an aspect of pride that's keeping us from understanding where they're coming from. It reminds me of the hymn that says "who am I to judge another?" because we all have our own quirks and things that make us unique - so what? We are all children of God and deserve to be listened to. The point that I've come to realize about empathic listening is that we can't have pride and we really need to simply care about people. No one is perfect and we all have our problems, our miscommunications and struggles; but as Latter-day Saints we need to strive to look for the best in others and not be quick to judge them or their situation and just LISTEN!
I missed this class. Got caught up on stuff. But am reading from the blogs that there was Doughnuts!!! missed it ..SAD DAY!
Ok! So yeah, I THINK I'm starting to get it, but I don't know for sure! I am starting to pick it up a little, but I still feel quite lost!
The whole, you can't ask questions really throws me off!
The more we get into it, the more I'll be able to figure it out!
On Friday in class we continued our learning of empathic listening. Brother Adams referred to listening as an iceberg. The skill which is the tip of the iceberg is usually the only part that’s seen. The underlining is your attitude towards the situation. Empathic listening is crucial when trust is low and emotion is high. You should never tell someone what to do, just listen. They will find out their own answer by communicating with you. We also learned in class that pride is enmity between you and another person. When listening you need to put your agenda aside and focus on theirs. Right now we are in the stage of conscious competence. We understand why it is essential to use empathic listening, however it is very uncomfortable for us to do. Often in the role play we get frustrated and want to probe, but we need to be patient. Lastly, we talked about our emotional bank account. It is essential to make many deposits and try to not have any withdrawals. One way to increase our EBA is to be loyal and keep our commitments.
I really enjoyed mondays class. We continued on with the role play and i am finally starting to understand it...i think...as soon as i think i have it figured out i will probably find out i was completely wrong. I really liked the onion analogy. We all have our emotional layers. Each one is secured with a lock that must be opened before we can continue on to the next layer. If our key is misshaped the person can help us to reshape it to the exact design by conversation. We have to be very careful though because if we say something wrong they will re lock all of their layers again and we have to start over
Post a Comment