Rather than have you read today from a text book, we'll let you "go fishing!"
- Please Google "Empathy" or "Empathic Listening" or "Empathetic Listening" or just "Listening."
- Find an article or some writing to read that you find informative and helpful given the topics shared in class.
- Create your post from at least three insights you gained during class presentation, discussion, the video, personal reflection or reading.
- Put it as a new post on your blog
- Make sure your blog is public, or create a new blog for this class that can be public
- Copy that post as a "comment" to this post of mine
- Make sure your post in my blog either highlights your name as the link to your blog, or type in the address or URL to your blog
- Go make comments on two other blogs.
6 comments:
DISCLAIMER: Long post- read at your own risk.
http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=540
I went to the above link and read about empathic listening. It spoke on the world's view of listeners- how it is perceived as weak and passive, when in actuality, listening gives one power! They told a story of how a couple's marriage was falling apart because of this lack of listening, and one moment of application virtually turned it around. I like the way it was put in the article: empathic listening is "an attitude of childlike curiosity with the grace of a world-class ballerina, the compassion of Mother Theresa and the peace of Thich Nhat Hanh." Truly it is a skill- an art- that benefits you as well as those around you. The article also used an effective analogy of one professor who was talking to a monk and would simply speak and not listen. To illustrate to the professor the imbalance in talking and listening, the monk poured tea and didn't stop; seemingly unaware of the fullness. When the professor asked what he was doing, the monk said that he was like the cup. Likewise, sometimes we close our cups and do not listen.
Today I had the opportunity to give a scripture about how gossiping destroys relationships and how we should strive to develop fully good relationships that we may benefit in the life to come. We discussed the Emotional Bank Account, once again, and how loyalty to the absent makes deposits while disloyalty to the absent (gossip, backbiting, etc.), makes withdrawls. Also, showing gratitude versus forgetting to share make deposits and withdrawls, respectively. We discussed the issue of inconveniance and how it relates to communication. It may be inconvenient to listen to people or to think first. It may be inconveniant to take time to listen. It may be inconvenient to apply concepts learned in class and become an empathic listener.
We also spoke of the virtuous cycle versus the vicious cycle, in which the pride cycle of the Book of Mormon was divided into the upper and the lower half- one being remembrance, and the other, forgetfulness.
Relevance:
Like Michael J. Fox in "Teen Wolf," I have had those experiences when the other person just doesn't listen- or worse, thinks they are listening and helping when in actuality they are frusterating the problem. I have been both the victim and the perpetrator. In an attempt to hurriedly help; I will probe and then advise using autobiographical response- not necessairly because I think it would help, but because sometimes it's parallel to the situation and I like talking about myself. It's admittedly ineffective.
Application:
I am going to practice empathic listening- even (or especially) when inconveniant. I will weigh the deposits and withdrawls in my Emotional Bank Account when inconceniance arises from conflict of sources.
Teaching:
I am going to teach my roommate this principle and do a practicum of sorts with her.:)
http://communicationfun.blogspot.com/
http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article40.htm
I read this article and it shared some important key principles to effective listening by allowing someone to open their "flood gates" of emotion and then when they can see clearly respond in a way that is readily accepted by all, reflected emotions and rephrasing the contect to let them know that you truly were listening to what they had to say. This is called Listening First Aid.
Today I learned the importance of listening even when it's not convenient because you are then placing yourself in a situation where you are putting aside your agenda to meet the needs of someone else. We talked about the scenario of someone calling you in the middle of the night and needing to talk. It's so important to inconvenience yourself for someone else because there are so many times that people have to inconvenience themselves for you. We also learned about the pride cycle and how it relates to our communication; we can either choose to reflect the blessings and skills that we have received by continually be righteous and listening to someone or we can get prideful and expect them to do that for us which we aren't willing to do for them; listening. I find it interesting that "busy" is a word that so many people use in their everyday lives as an excuse as to why they didn't do something. What does that mean to you? To me, that means that you aren't important enough to be considered one of the things that keeps them busy to take time for, therefor realizing who really cares for you and who doesn't/ It's interesting to me to note the different personality traits of people as well because you learn who you can and can't go to to talk about certain things. There are times when you make up excuses because that person just isn't "worth" your time, but are we "worth" anyone's time?
Daily Assignment- 1/29/07
Capture: The importance of saying "and" instead of "but".
In class I learned the importance of saying "and" instead of "but". When someone hears the word but....it tends to be related to something negative or a cutting remark towards something or someone. When we use the word and it tends to be a more positive conjunction and not so negative.
Apply:
1. Relationships
2. Work
3. School
Teach: Actualy, my husband taught me this principle before class. Class just opened my mind more to this matter.
Results: My husband and I will get into little arguments and when we try to resolve the argument.....he always says "ok expain how you feel without saying but". It has helped in our relationship.
My Google of Empathic Listening:
http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/
"Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It is an essential skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the success of a negotiation or mediation. Among its benefits, empathic listening
builds trust and respect,
enables the disputants to release their emotions,
reduces tensions,
encourages the surfacing of information, and
creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving.
Though useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets the mediator apart from others involved in the conflict."
http://sfhelp.org/pop2/listen.htm
This article i read talked about, "hearing with your heart." To be an effective empathic listener we need to put aside our own preferences, and needs to be able to understand, fully, what someone is trying to commnicate with us. It reminded me of that article we read about inconvenience. It may not be the easiest thing to put our own needs away for awhile. But, this is what is called selflessness.
It also talks about when we even don't agree with something the speaker says how we need to not interrupt them or judge them in anyway. When someone is in distress, you're trying to help them vent their feelings. Not judge them for what they have said.
This made we think of Michael J. Fox and how when he went to his coach to talk to him, the coach just told him how trivial it was, and that he shouldn't let it bother him. Empathic listening is that...listening. My goal is to try to forget myself more often, and become such a person that people will feel like they could come to me. I want to teach this to my roommate, and I'm going to see how effective of a listener i can be toward her.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/empathic-listening-is-for-everyones-good.html
Here’s the article I found on empathic listening. It’s interesting to not that the first few steps to gaining empathic listening are figuring out our own selves, so we can filter out what we think, what we want, and better understand the person. It also talks about looking for win/win solutions. How often in our communications to we seek only our own agenda without considering the needs of the other person? So often we can come up with solutions that let both parties win.
I had another insight watching that video clip from Teen Wolf. It reminded me of how the general public tries to solve your problems. When I was a teenager, my father died of a sudden heart attack, and it sickened me how everyone seemed to just want me to feel better about it. No one seemed to reach out and try to understand. Sure I had tons of people telling me “I know what you’re going through. If you ever need to talk I’m here.” So many of them thought they knew the solutions to the problem, before really understanding the problem, just like the coach. Sadly, although everyone wanted me to talk to them, no one wanted to listen, and I withdrew inside myself. It was a very dark time in my life. On the outside I was still all smiles, laughing and joking, but it was hollow, and no one seemed to care because they all just wanted to see me happy. How thankful I am for two people, an old wise English teacher and a very dear friend, who entered my life finally willing to just listen, to just let me open up, and finally I was able to release that column “B” that had been building inside of me for years. That is the power of empathic listening, it saved me years of hurt and emptiness.
The best stuff I can offer is on my Blog, because it has all the diagrams. Please come to it. It is lonely.
And if you like that, come to my blog kids and be in for a treat!
http://cellomanblog.blogspot.com/
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