Dear Comm 150 section 1 (Comm--Interpersonal 0701--my Morning class)
After you have posted your entry for today's class to your blog, please copy your post as a comment to this post in my blog. Brother Adams
Today's class: question about biological cycles and impact on communication, more male/female differences, Serving others vs serving selves, empathy is not sympathy--which is usually evaluation or sometimes interpretation. Autobiographical responses of APIE--advising, probing, interpreting and evaluating.
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Class today went wonderfully. We opened with a great scripture that consumed a good portion of the time in class. We talked about serving ourselves and others and how our agenda may vary depending on whom we are serving.
We later dove into Empathic conversation. For the past few days we have beat around this subject and today we analyzed and further processed the idea. The comment that stood out to me is that, "Empathy is not sympathy." Our emotions are key to understanding each other but being sympathetic rather than empathetic usually yields less success as far as communications go.
It is also important in empathic conversations to build and reestablish trust. Without this notion we are lost to the person we are communicating with. They need to feel that they can tell us things before they will attempt to try.
Lastly it is important to reflect back what is said to us so that we can demonstrate we are really listening and that we really care about what is being said.
When we respect others we find our self being respected more by everyone else.
I really hope that these concepts and ideas settle and stick to my brain so that they can be applied in my everyday life. People are important to me and learning how to communicate more effectively with them is something worth working for.
Spencer Michael Tracy
In class today I like how we learned how to be better empathetic listeners and how to handle certain situations where emotions may be high. Its interesting to see other people's viewpoints on how to best handle certain situations. This is one aspect I like about this class. Everything is up for conversation and discussion, I like how this is teaching us by us giving feedback and then analyzing it. I'm kind of excited to see how to best handle the interesting problems that come up in this class. Like helping a frustrated friend.
Capture: The importance of keeping your agenda out of your communication one with another.
Today in class (1/24/07) I have learned that once you bring up something that has happened to you in the past, your interest and listening skills go down hill from there. If a person comes to you with a problem, you need to be a good listener and try to understand where that person is coming from and exress to them that you understand with out bringing up your own autobiography. This in the end will allow the person expressing their feelings beable to open up more to you and build up that trust more.
Apply:
1. school
2. church
3. family relationships
Teach: I will teach this to my husband and in the end it will open new windows with in our relationship.
principles learned:
1. to achieve empathy
a. rephrase content of what was said
b. reflect back feeling
c. not always are both needed to make empathy
2. people's motives for wanting to cheer us up
a. others being upset make us feel uncomfortable in the situation
b. will give example from autobiography to make everything happy again
3. difference between interpreting and evaluating
a. interpreting is judging in reference to one's mental condition/behavior
b. evaluating is judging whether one is right or wrong in a situation
apply these principles:
1. work on being an empathic listener
2. when someone i know is down, concentrate on not making them feel better only for my benefit
3. recognize the difference between when i am interpreting, and when i am evaluating
teach: to james
report:
together james and i realized that it is common knowledge that we try to make people feel better only because when feeling sad makes us feel uncomfortable. as much as it is our own motives to uplifting someone's attitudes, we rarely recognize that we are doing so just to help ourselves feel better. together we decided to try to concentrate on relating and reflecting on eachothers feelings when either of us are feeling an emotion that the other does not relate to.
my name isnt actually beanpro... its logan.
Capture
How pysical symptoms of the body can affect communication
More on Empathic Listening
Personal Agendas when it comes to cheering people up
Relevance
Its important to realise that what were going through phsyically can impact our ability to communicate well. Lack of sleep - Lack of food - Lack of friends etc...
Next time i get in a situation when somebody is emotional distraught, and i can practice empathic listening and "mourn with those that mourn."
My own personal agendas can get in the way of what is really important, which is helping someone over come a specific trial.
Apply
Make an effort to hunt out my own personal agendas and be more aware of them so that i can catch them when they come up. Making it easier for me to push my agendas to the back and focus on the person im listening to.
Teach
Mason - Dorm - 2:00
I taught mason that the pysical body definently makes a difference in how capable you are in communicating. He promptly informed me that he wasnt born yesterday.
Report
Class was good today, Thomas is an actor. Its important to put into practice a lot of the things we learned today, specifically Empathic Listening, because of its potential to make a serious difference in our relationships.
Class Outline/ Principles learned:
1. Mosiah 2:17 "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."
* We perform service to God when we engage in communication for the purpose of uplifting and understanding others.
* By being an effective listeners, we can serve people well, ultimately resulting in taking a part of establishing the Zion of the Lord in everyday life.
2. We can apply autobiographical listening in the following ways:
* Advise
* Prove
* Interpret:
o Respond with modifiers to speakers, using such as "sounds like" and "I sense from...".
o Interpretation of others must be taken carefully since it can bring about negative effects on them. For example, if you say to someone "You don't look feeling well" instead of saying "Are you not feeling well?", he or she might feel oppression if he or she is actually not feeling that way or do not want you to feel that way. Your interpretation is not necessarily always same as the person you are speaking to.
o Don't interrupt speakers by unconsciously or consciously following a personal agenda.
* Evaluate= Judging
o Be cautious about our tendency of the frequent use of words "right" or "wrong" in our communication. It is the forms of judging. Such forms of judging are often expressed in terms of one's feeling even though feelings are too sensitive issue to evaluate with only the extreme words, such as right or wrong.
Personal Application:
1. I came to realization by learning the principles above today that I tend to take same approaches to same people or same situation during conversation. By effectively utilizing four ways of autobiographical listening, I believe conversation will be more enriched and meaningful. I will consciously make an increasing effort to practice more the interpretation of feeling and an openly expression of my empathy with speakers, especially toward my younger brothers and sisters while the less use of evaluation and judgment.
2. Communication is far beyond a measure of sending information with words to others. In addition to words, I will communicate more by the way of openly expressing what I feel in response to what I hear from the person I speak to, which supposedly help people feel understood.
In communicating effectively one must first diagnose a problem correctly before one can prescribe a solution. When we are communicating we should not serve our own objectives. We always need to try and serve the needs of those we are trying to communicate with. When one has his/her own agenda as their main priority in communicating it may lead to a prescription for which the individual does not need.
Being empathic is much better than being sympathetic. To properly show empathy you should rephrase the content of what a person says and reflect feeling as well.
There are so many differences in how men and women communicate. I realize that all of us need to learn to be better communicators. So many people can do alright in communicating, but we need to be a step above and be more effective listeners. An effective listener will listen empathetically. To do this you must reflect content and feeling. When we give sympathy we tend to resort to autobiographical responses, and these responses can lead to miscommunication.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Blog for 1/24/07
Capture
One of the best forms of communication is used by serving others. As it teaches us in Mosiah 2:17, when we serve others we serve God.
Empathy is not sympathetic. Empathy is shown by rephrasing content and reflecting back feeling.
The four autobiographical responses are: 1) advise, 2) probe, 3) interpret, and 4) evaluate. When someone interprets they are trying to understand and show sympathy. When one evaluates they are judging.
Dealing with hard situations.
Relevance: Dealing with hard situations.
In life, many difficult situations will occur. It is very important to know how to effectively deal with these situations. The key factor for dealing with hard things is knowing how to communicate the right way.
Emphatic listening helps in dealing with hard situations. These situations can range from death, sickness, divorce, war, loss of job, and so forth. Trust must be built while emotions are high.
One should use a qualifier like, it seems, and it sounds. A signal of understanding must be sent. Not interpreting.
Overall, we all have trials. Everyone has had hard things happen to them. It is very important to know how to help others out while they are in a time of sorrow.
Application
I know a couple people right know who are struggling with things. There issues range from family to financial needs. I have been trying to help them out but it has been hard. I will need to apply the principles that we learned in class to help me communicate in the right way with these people. Doing so will benefit them and me.
Teach
My brother will soon enter the MTC. I told him that on his mission he will have the opportunity to meet and communicate with thousands of people that have had hard times. He will have to know how to communicate effectively with them. I taught him the principle of emphatic listening.
Capture
Observation
1. Getting to point b is like an onion
2. I made the comment that onions are like ogers.
Relevance
1. We have to listen before we advise.
2. Get away from your agenda.
3. Teach like the Savior, with empathy not sympanthy.
Apply
I know that I too often blame individuals for what I am feeling but I know that what they said did not offend me, it was my choice to be offended. I am going to refraise things and not blame people.
Teach
I am going to teach my wife because she was not in class with us on that day.
I thought went wonderful. I love the scripture we started out with abuot service. I thought it was interesting from that article we read that things may not always be convenient. Service may not always be convenient but, to become more Christ-like we serve, even if it may cause inconvenience. I was excited that we got into empathic listening today. How it's not sympathy, and how much more effective it is. With empathy we're not probing answers out of the other person,or judging them. I also liked how we talked about not getting caught up in our own objectives when we're trying to commnicate with others. I'm trying to apply these more in my own life, and I can already see the changes that they are beginning to make. I catch myself from interrupting someone to give advice,a nd or one up them with my own story. I still have a lot to learn but, I can see that things are already biginning to change.
Today, I have to admit, I feared for Thomas’s life, for a few moments ;) But that I believe was an autobiographical response. My mother suffers from Clinical depression and OCD, and lets just say that, y her own admission, as Thomas put it “that time of the month” Doesn’t help very much, However I have learned how better to deal with peoples whose emotions aren’t functioning like they should. That is truly when empathic listening comes into play, especially those with depression, because quite frankly, active listening would either bring them to tears, or they’d try to rip your throat out, and no I’m not talking about women with PMS, I include all people with chemical imbalances, who often times have no control over which emotions they manifest, therefore empathic listening is critical, because those who suffer these things do not want to have the emotions they have, and often recognize them as unusual, however that still puts all the more responsibility on us as listeners. The APIE autobiographical responses in situations like these are as dangerous to the relationship as dynamite.
Also I have learned that many times we truly can’t understand why people challenged this way are feeling the way they are, it just doesn’t make sense to those who do not have these disabilities, but the important part is not understanding WHY someone is having these emotions, but more understanding that they DO have them, and that’s, I believe, when we can truly become empathic listeners, the moment when we stop trying to figure out WHY, and try to respond to what IS.
January 24, 2007
Class today was very interesting. I learned a number of important tips on how to become a better communicator.
Key Principals:
1.We need to serve our fellow men in our communications, not our own personal agendas.
2.Make sure to correctly diagnose a problem before you prescribe a solution.
3.Empathic listening is achieved:
a. when we throw away our personal agenda
b. when we rephrase content and reflect feeling back
4.When emotions are high and trust is low do not use autobiographical responses!
These key principals are relevant in every aspect of my life so I can become a better communicator. In applying these principals in my everyday conversations I find them to be very true. I am just starting out on the process of becoming an expert communicator, but I do feel I am making small progress. I feel my conversations are more meaningful and enjoyable.
I taught these principals to a roommate and friend.
Capture: In class we learned that good communication comes with trust and trust is not an automatic thing. There are layers surrounding trust and these layers need to be peeled away to be able to have good communication. Empathic listening is done with trust is low and emotions are high.
Relevance: In any relationship in life, you need to have good communication. But good communication only happens with trust. So it is important to learn how to build trust with people.
Apply: I can apply this to my life by gradually building trust and high emotional bank accounts with the people I associate with.
Teach: I will teach this to my roommate. She is just starting a relationship with a guy and it will be important for them to build trust with each other.
Report: My roommate thinks that building trust would be a good thing, so she will try to build trust so that they can have good communication in their relationship.
My name is Derek.
Learned principles:
Empathy is alot better than sympathy. Learning this from scriptures given to us by the Lord. Mosiah 2:17, and Mosiah chapter 18. Comfoting those that stand in need of comfort. When we have Empathy, we will rephrase the content. Reflect their feelings back to them. Think about what they are saying. We need to LISTEN!
Never say, "I understan..." How often do we really understand? Hardly ever. We need to serve others on their agendas.
I will try and keep this adveice very close. And use it with my fiance, my family, and my friends!We all have layers! And we need to remember that "Ogre's are like onions."
Capture: Empathy is more powerful than sympathy.
Key Points: Don't say "I understand." You don't.
Rephrase the person's feelings back to them.
Don't try to jump in with your sad story and make the conversation all about you.
Be sincere--don't "parrot".
Sometimes you don't need to say anything at all. Just listen.
Teach: Who: My husband. When: Today. Where: At home
I believe that if we sincerely strive to be empathetic as Christ was, we will truly succeed in our communication skills. We need to bear one another's burdens and mourn with those that mourn. We need to learn how to communicate on this level. It is the most effective, if not the only way.
Capture: Empathy is more powerful than sympathy.
Key Points: Don't say "I understand." You don't.
Rephrase the person's feelings back to them.
Don't try to jump in with your sad story and make the conversation all about you.
Be sincere--don't "parrot".
Sometimes you don't need to say anything at all. Just listen.
Teach: Who: My husband. When: Today. Where: At home
I believe that if we sincerely strive to be empathetic as Christ was, we will truly succeed in our communication skills. We need to bear one another's burdens and mourn with those that mourn. We need to learn how to communicate on this level. It is the most effective, if not the only way.
Well, i dont seem to see any other posts, so I hope this is what we are supposed to do. I really enjoyed the lesson, especially me who learned what to and not to say. I was, needless to say, a class example. I inadvertantly made a point by taking a withdrawl from the EBA of every girl in the class.
It did however open an important discussion on how to treat the subject.
3 Principles:
1. Today we discussed listening as a form of service. I had never really given it that much thought- I had thought of listening as charitable; certainly, but not an act of service. But upon reflection I have noticed that some of the sincerest, most memorable acts of service have been when I have had someone who truly listened. That is at the heart of human desire- the need to to have someone validate your feelings. We discussed this is relevance to the scripture, and I really do believe that as this is what God wants for his children, we truly are in his service when we engage in intense listening. The comment made about how God listens to our prayers, and how if we are preparing to ultimately become a god like him, we should develop this skill more fully as well.
2. We also differentiated between empathy and sympathy. In English class, a rehearsed answer would be "empathy is when you've been through what the other person has gone through and you feel sorry for them, sympathy is when you simply feel sorry." I always thought that going through the experience was somewhat of a prerequisite for exercising empathy toward another individual. However, today it was implied that seeking to understand is the key to empathy. To do this, we must rephrase content and reflect back feeling (trying to avoid parroting). Also, we were given tips like using qualifiers such as "seems" and "sounds like" rather than "I understand" (a common misnomer we label when assessing the other person's feelings).
3. When we evaluate, we are judging. By saying "You're right" or "You're wrong"- even saying that a situation "must be terrible" is an act of evaluating.
Relevance:
If only I had learned this before- there are so many mistakes in listening that could have been avoided. The desire has always been there, but I've often gone wrong- whether it be by inserting my autobiography or assuming I understood the other person. In third grade, I attempted to listen to my friend who had recently gone through her parent's divorce. I said, "Don't worry- it will be OK" simply because it was an accepted phrase, not because I really believed it or even knew the extent of the situation. She angrily replied, "You don't even know! You have the perfect family; you have no idea what I'm going through!" I was floored. She was right- I didn't have any idea, and I hadn't gone about listening in an effective way.
Application:
Today I tried empathic listening and it TOTALLY WORKED! My roommate and I had gotten home at the same time and I decided to put some principles into practice. She said one line about a boy she liked that I usually would have taken for at face value and not shown very much interest about. But I reflected what I perceived to be her feelings. She started opening up, and I would reflect. She kept on reaffirming my comments, saying "Exactly!" and elaborating thereon with further feelings.
Teaching:
One of my other roommates has background in communications and we discussed this. I also had an in-depth conversation with a guy in our ward about how people express themselves differently, the friendships forged through effective communciation, etc.
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Saturday, January 27, 2007
Blog for 1/26/07
Capture
Today in class we went over some of the things that are expected of us. Brother Adams shared with us the grading outline and introduced some new things that would occur during a class. Some of these are: 1) The class host will use 1 Bible scripture and 1 other scripture from the standard works. 2) There will be a videographer in class. 3) There will be a artographer in class.
The importance of blogging was stressed.
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. We are to bring out the good in people.
Don't say but, say and when helping others.
Relevance: The importance of blogging
How are we to communicate in the new world? Blogging is a new form of communication that allows us to reach many people.
We have a responsibility as members of the church to share the gospel. By blogging and sharing our values and ideas people will be able to gain a positive outlook about our church.
Blogging can become of form of income through the use of AdSense provided by Google.
Apply
This principle will be applies into my blogs throughout the rest of the semester.
Teach
I have taught roommates and others about blogging. Some have visited my blog.
The other day in class I learned about the importance of progression. To always have goals to climb for and never to become complacent with where we are at. It is very important to do so because the moment that we get content with where we are at on this tread mill of life is the moment that we start moving backwards.
A feeling of complacency is a sure sign of pride. Pride will kill all communication skills, quicker than anything else. Once you start thinking that there is nothing else to learn, nothing else to work on you start looking down on people in an, I am the teacher you are the grass hopper, way. Not good.
Just like with my physical work out over Christmas break, before the break I worked out every other day like clock work. After the break I found that the amount of weight that I was able to lift declined by a huge amount. When that resistance is gone, there is no progression and you backslide.
A great way that I have found to apply this principle is a daily planning and Journal writing. I find that if I account for the way that I use my time throughout the day it helps me stay aware of my faults and I can see were improvement is needed. After the daily review I make plans to over come those faults the next day and try to use every hour to benefit that cause.
I have taught this principle to my friend and we together keep each other accountable to the goals that we set. I find that when I have to report on the goals that I set I feel a greater desire to accomplish my goals.
well, it's about time I figure this blog business out!
I have really enjoyed the past few days of class. some of the main things I've learned is about agendas (column a&b), empathic listening and autobiographical responses.
We've learned that when talking to someone with your personal agenda in mind is not being a good listener. When we are selectively listening we listen a little and then ignore while we put together what we are going to say next. But by putting their agenda first and in mind, we can better understand the other person. use empathic listening by listening, rephrasing the content back to the person, and then reflect feeling. pay attention to emotion in their tone, content, body language, and facial expressions.
The worst thing to do is to jump into those autobiographical responses by probing and questioning, advising, interpreting, and evaluating or judging. Also, never give compliments followed by a 'but' because everything you said beofre the 'but' pretty much means nothing. Try using the word 'and' which makes you say things more positively and meaningful.
1/31/07
PRINCIPALS: Today we learned more about how to apply empathic listening to our lives. We looked at a scenario in which someone is crying and not really telling what's upsetting them. It was explained that in this situation the goal is not to get to the core of the onion, instead it is to peel back enough layers to where they feel they can talk to you about what they can do to get help. When people in this situation ask for an autobiographic response we have to make sure they really want it and are not just throwing out questions to agree with and then have you go away. I learned that probing is definitely off limits in this kind of a situation because it can easily just remind them of all the other aspects that may be hurting in their lives and bring them lower and lower.
RELEVANCE: Well, I don't really think I would be placed in a situation like this, but none the less, you never know what the future may bring so I realize it would be good to know just in case a situation like this did occur. Also, just the concepts that are being taught can apply to many other situations that will and do occur regularly.
APPLY: I will try to apply this by analyzing more conversations and using these principals whenever I can, or at least when I know it is going to help.
TEACH: I'm not sure who I am going to teach it to but I will look for chances to do so. And when I do I will want to listen to what they have to say about it and their experiences with trying to apply it.
rihcie
http://www.psychological-hug.com/
richie garner
http://www.psychological-hug.com/
this web site talks about the difference between symathy and empathy. it is very good. Shows that when using empathic listening you must be aware of not only content of the discusion but also the feeling and emotion.
GOOGLE ON EMPATHIC:
When I googled empathic listening I found an interesting definition that states, "Empathic listening is focusing on a person's local behavior and periodically summarizing your empathic sense of what they think , feel, and need at the moment without judgement"(http://sfhelp.org/02/listen.htm). I think this describes it very well and tells us listen "without judgement" just like we discussed putting out personal agenda aside and really listening to what they have to say.
From our discussions on empathic listening i have come to realize how important it is to everyday communication. I have caught myself before i use autobiographical responses, and i have been able to understand people and their feelings much better. I have been on the other end of the autobiographical responses as well, and i tend to get very frustrated with the people who don't know how to listen. :) As rude as that may sounds, it's the only way i can think of how to describe it when people dont listen empathicly. I recently had an experience with my mom using this and i was able to use it as a teaching experience and i really hope that she will adapt this concept as well because this is a trait that everyone should have. It make communications flow much easier.
the other day in class I was in pressed by the importance of all the little things we do
and the impact they might play in the emotional bank acount of others around us. The way
that I learned this was we took a test in class to see how well we knew the names of the
people in our class. the other ways that I have seen this principle in action is with my
roomates and how we interact. I know that when I try and look for little opportunities to
serve or give a complement the amount of appartment trust is high. I remember that my mom
practice this principle by making my lunch for me before I ran off to school.
i have yet to teach this principle, but I think the best way to teach it is by
example. Once people see you out there saying hi or giving complements or making beds for
roomates the spirit of service will enter into their lives and they will want to serve
others. Mosiah 2:17 When we serve each other we serve God.
It is amazing to me the idea of mirroring the emotions of others when contention is in the air. Instead of getting frustrated yourself and blowing the situation right out of the water it is way more effective to simply reflect what the other person is giving. This way they see that you really care about them and you want to be able to resolve the problem. It also lets them see how they are acting. It is genius. This can be used any where. In any situation where emotions are high and the trust is low.
2/9/07
Today we started off with a good scripture in Ether 12:27 that described how the lord will show us our weaknesses in order to make them strengths. We related this to communications and how some of us are weak in it and now we have the opportunity to become better and make it a strength.
PRINCIPALS: We then watched a movie clip about a WWII guy in a fox hole who stabbed an enemy that jumped in his fox hole, this was a reaction to the primary emotion of fear. While the enemy was wounded he was sorry and wanted to help him but he later died. We related this to our communications and how we react to fear and think the person we are communicating to is out to get us so we feel like we have to stab them before they stab us. In all actuality they were nice and were not out to get us. The principal is to avoid using Weng Chung communications and understand people better. We also continued the role play and recognized good communication and saw our lawyer open up a little more. We also saw how it is easy to unintentionally start interpreting and probing, and learned how to recognize it and interpret it.
APPLY: I will remember this the next time I get in a situation where my first impression is that someone is out to get me in my communicating. Instead of naturally trying to get them first I will work to understand them better.
Teach: When I get the chance I will tell a friend about what we learned and how to become better communicators.
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