From the students in Comm 150-09
Check out the comments below of students who are really learning to listen empathically.
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Insights, application, wisdom and inspiration from peer-to-peer learning in my Business and Communications Classes, Lectures, Seminars and Consulting Practice.
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Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant
We did Change Management using the OCI (Organizational Culture Inventory)
25 comments:
Be Warned, LONG POST AHEAD.
Interpersonal is seriously one of my favorite classes. Besides art that is, because I love nothing more than art. And music. But that’s not what this post is supposed to be about is it? Oh, and I want to add that I’m trying to get everyone’s URL so I can link from my page, and I think that I kind of confused everyone when I was trying to say how to do that. If you want help with anything I’m more than willing to help. I started using blogger this summer because I was bored in between vacations, so I pretty much know the ropes.
Back to what I’m supposed to be doing…
Ok, so it won’t show up in this post, but for my blog I made a copy of the diagram from class, the one about messages and how they get passed on and received differently than they were meant to.
When we were going over this all I could think of was playing telephone, that game where you all sit in a circle and pass a message around. As you get older you learn the way the game works and try really hard to make sure the message stays straight so you win.
Aren’t all of our conversations like that? As we communicate more we try harder to make sure that people understand what we are saying and that our tone of voice doesn’t change the meaning of what we are saying.
I’ve been thinking about who I can teach these ideas to, but I think I’ve just dived right into living what I’ve been taught. Let me just put it in general terms, there’s a lot of miscommunication in my house right now between roommates because of simple things and the way tone of voice changes the meaning of something said.
In my conversations with my roomies I’ve brought up things I’ve learned in class and worked with my new communication skills, developing new habits.
I’m having a really hard time being in the middle, a creator of some negative feelings as well as a fixer. I won’t deny it, in the past I haven’t communicated as well as I should have and I’ve really let myself down. This is a learning experience for all 12 of us.
We have a major lack of communication and its teaching us how to get along better. When we talk about our feelings we need to be willing to not only hear the other side of the story, but really listen to it and understand the other girl’s feelings. Its so hard for me because I move on pretty quickly, and I forget to tell the other person involved that I’m over whatever issues we had against each other, then when I remember it stirs the angry feelings in them again, but I’m not mad and I just want to tell them how I felt and that I’ve moved on, but as its happened this time, its just me who’s moved on and I don’t know how to set my agenda aside.
This is one complicated rant isn’t it?
No goods.
Hmm…. I’m not sure if I’m very good at following the outline of the way our blog posts are supposed to be, but I don’t even know if that’s the best way for me to do it. I like to take things we’ve covered and draw them all together. Is that ok? I can’t even think of 3 things we covered in class today, so for me it is more important to take what I did learn today and see how it fits in with what we’ve learned in the past.
So that’s something else that connects, venting. Right now I’m venting to my blog/the class about how disappointed I am in myself for not communicating as well as I can because I vented to pretty much everyone I know except those that were involved because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. Plan A pretty much backfired on me. Actually it was Plan B. Plan A was to stop gossiping, and well, I started again, so that needs to stop. Plan B was to be a bitter old hag for the rest of my life, but that’s not in my nature, so don’t get worried ;D
Ok, so I’m saying too much for the day I think and its time for me to quit now.
Overview: When you’re mad, don’t listen to Taking Back Sunday. Take time out and think about what you say before you say it. Then after you’ve said it, clarify with the person that they got the message you were trying to convey. Also, don’t always turn to other people to help solve your problems because the other person involved will find out that you are explaining yourself to other people and it will make the situation more awkward. Wow, sounds like I have experience…
P.S.
Ok, so I was thinking again, and yes. Emotion is really high and Trust is really low. Time for Elle to go practice being empathetic...
-Unconscious incompetence: I don't know what I don't know
-Conscious incompetence: I know that I don't know
-Conscious competence: I actively try to practice what I know
-Unconscious competence: What I know has become second nature
I think this just shows how important it is to learn by the Spirit. If what you are learning is something that will benefit both you and others and is truth, then the Spirit will definitely help us to be able to learn and implement what we learn in our lives quickly, so that it will become part of our nature to act in that way.
I think that sometimes we rely a lot on the ideas of others instead of simply just trying to have charity and treat others as children of God. I think that communication needs to be plain - not planned out, not charted, not manipulated. Just clear and simple, and if we have the Spirit with us, we won't go wrong.
In elementary school they always have the “I Statement” diagram stapled to the bulletin board and I’ve always thought that most of the world considered this to be the most superior form of communication; however, I agreed with what Brook said in class about how transparent “I” statements are and how insincere it can be when you “catch” someone using this “trick” on you. It seems like what they’re really doing is trying to tell you how they feel in a way that they can trick you into “buying it” and not make you feel as if they’re blaming you when in their mind they probably are.
We learned that there are four common ways that people actively listen, and all turn the focus to one's self. (APIE) The first is by Advising. Sometimes people just want to express their feelings for the sake of expressing them. They don’t need a solution or help, but often times we try to force our opinion on them and tell them what we think they should do based on our personal experience. I do this often, but I’ve come to realize that people are not apt to take your advice when you give it without invitation. The Second way to listen actively is by Probing. We ask questions because we’re curious. We’re not concerned about their feelings or what they’re trying to say, we’re trying to find the answers to the questions that we have. The third way goes along with the second; it’s called Interpreting. Sometimes, after we probe for the answers we want we interpret what the person is saying or the reasons for the way they are feeling. The fourth way often times follows the third. After we Interpret we Evaluate. This is the same as judging the person for what they’re saying. In reality, we have no idea what their past experiences are or if they’re even telling us everything. One missing piece of information could completely change our perspective about what they’re trying to say. So they best thing to do is just not judge.
I was so glad when Brother Adams taught that there was one step higher in communication past the revered active listening “I” statement. Empathic listening is the highest form of listening and the least used. I remember a couple of people in class mentioning roommates or friends who listen without an agenda. Almost everyone knows someone who uses this method and their examples seem to stick with us as a model of admired communication. I remember when I was younger I had a brother-in-law who I admired for the way he treated others and I didn’t realize until years later that it was because of his empathic listening. I’ve heard a couple of people say that you only know him for about five minutes before you start spilling your guts to him. I already talked to my Mom about empathic listening verses the four ways that people actively listen. She had a lot to say. When you’re little you think everyone is teaching you that the best form of communication is the “I” statement, but now I realize that the things people say about putting yourself in the other’s shoes or “listen to what your brother has to say” are all ways of telling us that empathic listening is the supreme form of communication.
Today was chill. Hockey game right after class.
It was cool to learn about how that we sometimes encode our communication to be received to intended receivers. In daily communication, we talk differently to different people. We talk differently to President Clark in contrast with our buddies. I see myself doing this a lot.
Also Bro. Adams shared with us 4 different things:
Uncounscious Competence
Conscious Competence
Conscious Incompetence
Unconscious Incompetence
Tight stuff.
In the mission I have used empathetic listening a lot so I attempt to hear their worries and doubts so I can send them in the water. But since I have been home I just lost that art. Last night I had 2 dates (one in the afternoon, one in the evening). The joy of empathetic listening. I pretty much did that and the girls were talking my ears off! It's a good sign because I don't like to talk a lot and they trusted me with their personal stories.
All right.
I always find it cool when something is addressed in class that I'd never really thought about consciously before, but realize that I do it anyway. For instance, on Friday we learned about how we as senders encode messages in different ways depending upon who is going to receive the message and how we predict they'll decode it. This is super true. I have a different blog that my family reads than the one that my friends from home read. Sometimes the same thing will be addressed in both of them, but in differrent ways. They're both true, but focus on different things or aspects of things based on my intended audience; some things get left out or added in, depending on who I think is going to be reading it. Like the missionary letters that people were talking about in class. I wonder if Brock's mom got a letter about him getting mugged by a girl. And if that would make a parent worry more or less.
It kind of makes me think of this short story by Yann Martel in the book The Facts Behind the Helsinki Roccamatios. There is a story/thing called "Manners of Dying" where the excecutioner or warden or something from a prison is writing a letter to the mother of an inmate who had been put to death for the crime. He writes it four different ways, though all of the letters describe the same events. But by changing words, you can change connotations and the feeling/impact of what you're saying, and the outcome is different; the recipient may have received the same information no matter how you presented it, but they way they feel about it depends on how you encoded it.
This brings me to the other thing we learned about, which was another model-staircase, this time of the different means by which we do anything (encode our messages, do a new skill, etc). These levels, from the bottom to the top, are as follows:
Unconcious incompetence wherein you're doing something that's kind of dumb, but you don't know better. (Like when you're in first grade and write a note to the boy you have a crush on that says "I LOVE YOU!" and he's not very happy to get it. Not like that's ever happened to me...)
Concious incompetence occurrs when you know better, but somehow convince yourself that it'll be alright. ("I'm sure if I let the class tarantula out of the aquarium, she'll just stay put, strech her legs a little, and definitely won't go anywhere she isn't supposed to!")
Concious competence is the stage wherein you most easily get on other people's nerves, because you've just learned a new skill and want to try it out, but you've got a way to go before you've mastered it. ("Wait, take your hands off your ears, I know I'll hit that note next time...")
Unconcious competence is that stage of anything which we all hope to reach, when something good we've been working on clicks and becomes natural. (if you're able to dance without thinking about it/severely crippling your partner; I can only hope that this will be true of me some day. And I'm sure anyone I've ever danced with hopes so, too.)
Fin. 'Till luego, comrades.
The past couple of weeks my roommates and I have been having major communication issues. We have talked about our issues but our trust we have for one another is very low. A few weeks ago, our communication line started to die down and that is when the trust began to go low. Then, is consequnce to that happening, our emotions began to rise. This only led to us not speaking, and finally when we did approach the subject, emotions were so high that we didn’t accomplish much in our disscion. Time progressed and our trust for one another grew enabling us to communicate better, and speak freely without problems. Our disscusion on Monday helped me realize who important it is to have trust in every setting, and especailly in your apartments. Also, I learned the steps of active listening. Too often I activly listen and want to solve the problem right away. I tend to think of a solution to the problem and not empathize with them instead. Although it is very hard to avoid using my habit of fixing the problem, I have realized how important empathic listening really this. When you do this, the trust also grows between you and the other person. I hope to contuine to use this tactic of listening to better my relationships.
I have honestly learned so much from this class, it is amazing! We have had a lot of arguments in my apartment lately and I have really noticed that it all stems from lack of communication. When we talk to each other we all just assume what the other person is talking about and never actually listen to what they are saying. I have noticed in myself as well. I noticed that I am usually between the pretend and selective levels of listening and that I tend to use autobiographical responses all the time. Last class we talked about messages and the path they take between the sender and the receiver. I never really realized how many channels they have to go through and how easy it is for them to get distorted, I guess it’s just like the telephone game. We also talked about unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence. I am still not completely sure what they all are but I know over more discussion I will get it. Well that is all I can really think of right now and I apologize if it doesn’t make very much sense, I’m kinda tired and just trying to get all of my thoughts out.
Hey im here posting yet another blog for comm. I think in class on Friday was great. When we were discussing about how when you send a message it seems to be diff. Then what you expected. I can remember experiences with email and trying to send messages I thought were funny but they were funny only if you could get the emotion out of them. So I got into a lot of trouble just because of the fact that the message wasn’t took in the right way. I realize how important it is that people are able to understand one another to be effective communicators. We have all had people take things the wrong way and just go off about it. Ok well I look forward to class........Brock
I like what we talked about in class how we tend to encode our conversations towards different people. I found myself doing that this weekend when I was home. I would tell my mom bits and pieces of experiences I was having up at college leaving out some of the not so important details so she wouldn’t worry. I told her about a date I went on and how it was fun we just went to dinner and a movie. I left out that I had a really good time, thought the guy I went with was fun and it was a really good date. To avoid the questions that always come after I have fun on a date like… well do you like him?... do you want to go out with him again?.... will you let him hold your hand or kiss you if you do go out with him again?... Are you sure you want to pursue a relationship right now in your life? Ha No to all of these answers I just had fun and he was a good guy I just want to leave it at that. So I have learned by past experiences to just keep my responses short so my mom and I don’t start analyzing every mere detail that happened to see if its worth it or not. But when I told my roommate about the date I told her everything and she just listened and was excited but didn’t start asking if I wanted to pursue a relationship out of the first date she just was excited for me and we moved on. So both of these experiences I encoded what I told them based on past experience. I think that this class is helping me become more a ware of how I communicate on a daily bases. I try to catch times when I am doing something wrong like not listen but pretend and try to avert me attention back on the person who is talking to me. I told my roommate Jamie after I had explained my date about encoding and how I encoded my conversation with her and my mom.
This is responce to wedensday the 24rth class!!Communication!!!!! Ahhhh!! This week has been very frustrating in the one on one communication area!! I have learned a lot but it has been very hard. I have learned the importance of listening and being able to take yourself out of the situation when the topic of the conversation makes you feel attacked. It was hard for me to step back without feeling defensive and really listen to their feelings to change the situation. I felt I had to step back from the emotion and really want to know how they are feeling about the topic.Becoming a good listener is key to relationships. I need to learn how to not get defensive but really take myself out of the situation a really listen.
First! I would like to say that I ordered The Seven so I am pretty excited about that! I want to better understand all that is going on in class so I am pretty proud of myself for taking that first step!
On the subject of blogging, WOW! I dont think this is supposed to be as hard as it is. In theory its all simple but usually when I come to blog I just try and do the best I can with what I understand. I know that you all are probably thinking, "Good glory Carol!" I apologize!
In class there was some stuff that I thought were pretty cool, which is how it usually turns out but in example of this: encoding. In order to understand the concept of encoding you have to be able to recognize that everyone is different because of environment, their history, family, experience, etc. so therefor, everyone interprets things differently. So in order to improve your communication skills, it is best that you learn to encode and decode well. HA! This is no easy task because of the things that I stated previously. Oh well! Anything worth doing is usually hard.Its incredible how even the smallest comment can be thrown way out of proportion and people can be completely devistated because of this small miscommunication. I have discovered a problem though, sometimes others do not want to communicate with you in order to fix a problem...once again my response to this is, "Oh well!" Everyone needs time to figure things out for themselves. But if there is no "want" from the other to discuss the problem thats when you resolve it to the best of your ability. Anyway! As just a little side note to what I have said before, I love sending text messages but they have to be one of the hardest messages to decode! I think that it is funny that something tht is so popular has such a low percentage of being decoded very well.
In class we learned about the different channels that our messages go through. First the sender has a message. He/she then chooses the medium that he/she wishes to send the message in (i.e. email, letters, speech, etc.). Before the message is received there is inevitable "noise" or interference before the message reaches the person (i.e. physical noise, distance from person giving the message, personal biases). The message then reaches the person it is being conveyed to, and then he/she must decode the message. The end result is that because we all think differently from one another, and because the process of sending and receiving a message is so involved, it is incredibly easy for the person for whom the message is intended to misinterpret the message.
The major problem with this situation is that the sender may not be aware that he/she is even sending the wrong message, or rather the correct message through an improper channel. If this is the case, the sender is in a state known as "unconscious incompetence." Once the blunder has been made, the sender then enters into the realm known as "conscience incompetence." This means that while the situation is not remedied, the person is no longer ignorant as to the situation. To fix the problem, when the next message is sent, the sender goes to the state known as "conscience competence." He/she is actively trying to go through the correct steps of communication so that the message will be received without misinterpretation. At this stage it is awkward for the sender because he/she is not used to exercising the skills necessary. The skills might not even work at first. It is important to make sure to continue using the skills, giving them a chance before the sender gives up. Before the sender knows it, he/she will have moved into the last level of communication: "unconscious competence." In this state, the skills have been used so often and so well that they are second-nature to the sender. They have, in essence, become a good habit.
It is important to remember that both the sender and receiver have a duty to work up these good skills. If you are a receiver who does not understand what is being conveyed to you, it is your responsibility to alert the sender to your predicament. The sender cannot do anything if he/she does not know that there is a problem. On that some note, however, the sender must be willing and able to change his/her strategy so as to accommodate the receiver. Without an urge to change, grow, and progress in communication, the sender will stay at "conscience incompetence" at best.
It is my goal to try to be more understanding to people who cannot understand what I am trying to convey. After all, it is not their fault that I am confusing them. I will make it my goal to move up the steps. I especially need to do this in regards to communicating with one of my younger brothers. He and I are complete opposites. It seems that every time that I want to tell him something, he simply brushes me off, as if I was stupid. If I make an effort to try and adapt to what channel he needs me to be using, perhaps he will learn to accommodate to my communication needs.
Sorry everyone, just a little extra that I thought of just a few moments ago. i have a friend that is out on his mission who told me about his companion who had been calling a girl everyday in his mission area. This of course bothered my friend who was serving with him. Anyway, some other things went down with this chica but that is not important to my point. The issue of "many different ways to communicate" comes to my mind when I thought about this. I need to be careful with how I communicate, not just verbally but with my everyday actions. I know that no one is perfect and I am no where close to that category but I want to be more aware of how I am communicating with others. i dont want to send any wrong "vibes." To me, this relates to my mission friend because he had lost a lot of respect for his companion because of his actions. He, in a sense, "told" my friend with his actions what kind of person he was. This companion of his is not a bad person and I hope that things turn out better for all that are mixed in the matter. I do not know, I just thought it was something to think about...
Wednesday in class, we learned that successful people make a habit of doing the inconvenient thing (when the inconvenient thing is a good choice. Sometimes it isn’t). People who avoid the inconvenient and consistently fall into the convenient lose out on opportunities that could propel them forward. First, we learned that people who do inconvenient things stretch their comfort zones and abilities. Consequently, those people create broader comfort zones and a broader range of abilities. Second, we learned that people who do the inconvenient thing are successful, because they are willing to do the things that others aren’t. This puts them ahead of their peers and in the path of opportunities. Third, we learned that when people sacrifice inconvenience, they often do so with convenient things like blaming, justifying, and stubbornness. These “conveniences” warp our perspectives and create emotional baggage that can hold us back and make it harder to be successful.
I think the article we read was great. I’ve learned similar things, but I’ve never really heard them said the way the article said them. Breaking things into two categories, convenient and inconvenient, is a really helpful way to simplify our choices. I’m going to teach this principle to my mom. She’s taught me a lot about specific convenient and inconvenient choices such as blaming versus taking responsibility, or addressing problems versus avoiding them, but I think this information will help her make these lessons deeper and more effective.
I would just like to thank Chris for explaining the whole "unconscience. . .conscience. . .competence. . .inompetence" diagram to me. My life is now complete, and I can sleep well at night! ha ha ha! But yes, I like how he explained it because in his terms it made much more sense to me. Here are the basics of what we talked about in class:
Unconscience Incompetence- Don't know you stink. :(
Conscience Incompetence- Realize you stink. :I
Conscience Competence- Try not to stink. :)
Unconscience Competence- Don't stink anymore! :D
When you first start out you are dumb and you don't know it.
The next two levels you realize what is going on. This is where it is kind of awkward.
The second to last level you are trying too learn better behavior.
When you have reached the final level, it becomes HABIT.
You don't have to think about what you are doing anymore, it just comes naturally.
I really liked the Communications model
(Sender) -> Message -> Channel -> ~NOISE~ -> Channel -> Percieved Message -> (Receiver)
*Encode *Decode
It makes sense, and you can see how easily it is to get the wrong message if you're not careful on both ends.
I find it very interesting how communication has changed over time.
I know that I spend a LOT, and I mean a LOT of time on my cell phone - whether it be talking or texting. Sometimes I am talking on my cell phone and instant messaging on my computer at the same time. Throw in a few e-mails, and facebook posts and I am set! And every once and a while I will write an actual letter and send it to my brother who is on a mission! Oh snap! It's wonderful to feel so connected to people! I have been able to strengthen many relationships that might have gotten lost if it weren't for modern teconology!
One skill I have had to learn is being able to portray what I am tring to say in writing. This is important when you text and IM. Usually if I am happy I put a ton of exclamation points!!!!!! and smiley faces :) :). I don't like it sometimes because I can't read peoples emotions or if they are being sarcastic or not.
Hey classmates! I thought class was interesting, I kind of tuned in and out. But what I did get out of class was that sometimes we send messages to people thinking they will respond a certain way, but that is not always the case. Sometimes the receiver takes it a whole different way; I have found this to be true in my own life with communicating, not just over email but in person to person. I think that facial expressions add to this as well. The emotions that are conveyed through my face seem to have a bug effect in the way the receiver takes it… just something that I have observed while applying this class to my life. I didn’t really get the conscious incompetence thing. And i think the address to my blog is
seedercommunicating.blogspot.com if you are interested in visiting.
Hey classmates! I thought class was interesting, I kind of tuned in and out. But what I did get out of class was that sometimes we send messages to people thinking they will respond a certain way, but that is not always the case. Sometimes the receiver takes it a whole different way; I have found this to be true in my own life with communicating, not just over email but in person to person. I think that facial expressions add to this as well. The emotions that are conveyed through my face seem to have a bug effect in the way the receiver takes it… just something that I have observed while applying this class to my life. I didn’t really get the conscious incompetence thing. And my address to my blog is seedercommunicating.blogspot.com if you ever feel like visiting!
Hey classmates! I thought class was interesting, I kind of tuned in and out. But what I did get out of class was that sometimes we send messages to people thinking they will respond a certain way, but that is not always the case. Sometimes the receiver takes it a whole different way; I have found this to be true in my own life with communicating, not just over email but in person to person. I think that facial expressions add to this as well. The emotions that are conveyed through my face seem to have a bug effect in the way the receiver takes it… just something that I have observed while applying this class to my life. I didn’t really get the conscious incompetence thing. And my address to my blog is seedercommunicating.blogspot.com if you ever feel like visiting!
It's funny, emapthic listening is something that I have learned about so many times but it is still something that remains very elusive to me. I understand it a lot better than I did before. When I first learned about it I thought that is was designed to be used in every circumstance of communication. As I understand it now it is a good thing to use in many circumstances but it is designed to be used when normal (calm) lines of communication are not available. I realized this time that the important thing to do with this skill is to examine our motives behind it. Are we using empathic listening as a tool to make people like us or do we honestly care about those we are listening to. In order to effectively listen we must become the other person and try to actively recreate the feelings that they are feeling. We must exercise Charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this kind of concern, our listening "skills" are just a hollow, selfish sham and may as well be in the arsenal of the average used car salesman (no offense to you used car salesmen whom I am probably offending). The point at which empathic listening becomes truly effective is when we cross the threshold into love of the other person and desire to understand them without any underlying motive.
The point where this becomes applicable to me is in my daily communications with new people. All too often, and I know I'm not the only one who does this, I forget all the information I learned about a person, including name, hometown and major, within the short space of a few seconds. This is because I am not really interested in the person, but rather in making myself seem good natured and concerned. As soon as I feel I have done my duty in introducing myself my "auto-response" system turns on while my memory turns to screen saver mode. To really apply empathing listening I need to try to really get a feeling of what it's like to be the other person; think of a way to remember their name (I meet Jenean who is quite slender so in my mind I call her "lean Jenean"). When you find out where they are from, try to picture what their hometown might be like. If you have no idea what it's like there then you have the great opportunity to start a conversation while filling in the pieces of your mental picture.
This way of talking is very inconvenient but guaranteed you will be able to remember the person more and they will be more open to be your friend because they appreciate that you've taken the time to get to know them. But again, you've done it because you really do care about them and are not just trying to impress them.
http://sfhelp.org/02/listen.htm
I appreciated understanding the four levels of awareness. Unconcious incompetence, concious incompetence, concious competence, unconcious competence. This is so true to life, and in all kinds of relationships. As i was thinking about it, it's hard in a relationship with someone where one person is on say level three or four and the other is on one, and they just stay there and don't make any effort to ascend levels. This is difficult becuase the person who is trying is making all kinds of deposits into the other's emotional bank account, but they don't even recognize the deposits and just keep making withdrawals from the one exerting effort. Was that so confusing, yeah, it probably was, but I know I feel better having gotten that thought out. And I love everything about the emotional bank account, it is so true, and to talk about it in relevance to what is going on with you and another person makes communication a lot easier.
I am really enjoying what I am learing in this class. I had no idea that when I just added another communications class to fill a gap in my schedule that I would have chosen a class I knew nothing about and that I enjoy so much. I have learned so much about myself and why I do the things I do. It is so interesting that when we see any difficult situation and that when emotions are high and trust is low it is hard handle the situation correctly. It is so difficult when this is the situation. If your trust is low the only way to handle things correctly is to be an empathic listener. When trust is high and so is emotion the situation can be taken care of much easier. To me it is so important to build up the trust so that when a situation comes up it can be handled correctly. I also found it interesting to follow the steps of Incompetence, Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence, and then Unconscious Competence. I hope to get to the Unconscious Competence stage by the end of semester.
One thing that stuck with me from this class was that when emotions are high and trust is low one shouldnt use the autobiographical response. APIE is not appropriate when emotions are running. This is true in a sense because when i am mad-angry or reall hurt, i dont want somebody to start asking questions or interpret the situation. I want them either to sympathize or more better show empathy with me.
Other things are we discussed were the encoding and decoding of the message. I am pretty sure everyone's gone through this experience where you meant something in a text, phonecall or email but the receiver takes it as something else. Thats the reason why LOL, ;) ;p were invented. I didnt really understand the conscious/unconcious competence thing before but i read a post from someone here abt the stinking issue and its clear to me now. The worst of all is the unconcious incompetence where you have no idea of what's wrong with you and have no idea how much impact that has on other people. I'd rather know what i suck at or know why someone's pissed at me so that i can work on it.I dont know if that made sense! haha its been a long day for me trying to catch up on my hw and stuff on a sat nite!!! Ciao
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